I, like some (but certainly not all) trans women, was socialized ‘as a boy’ by my parents (including beatings and encouraged violence against others), but the ‘lessons’ never took. I was not gay, but I continuously engaged in traditionally female behaviors, was called ‘sensitive’, had nearly all female friends, and looked to the women in my family as role models, not the men.
On a subconscious level, I rejected male socialization in the hopes that I could one day do the same on a conscious level. It took 26 years and a nervous breakdown for me to get back in touch with the feelings and lessons I had stashed away as best I could for appearance sake years before. That’s not to say that I didn’t take away lessons from being on the other side; I just never let them define me – only help tweak my identity to become the person I wanted and needed to be who, lo and behold, turned out to be female in identity.
I knew I wouldn’t take any shit from men, thereby nearly destroying my porn career and forcing me to go ‘indie’. I knew I wanted to be a mom. And now I am to a wonderful, loving 11 year old boy who is who he is, gender constructs be damned. His favorite color is pink, but he loves construction toys, video games, etc. He does identify as a boy and engages largely in either ‘boy’ or ‘gender neutral’ activities and seems quite content to be treated in accordance with his gender presentation. In short, he’s enjoying his ‘cis-privilege’ even as he understands the reality that, despite my sex assignment at birth, I am more of a nurturing mother figure than is his biological mother.
To that end, I find it appalling that some feminists would REJECT the support of those who felt compelled to join their disadvantaged class (with the claim that we seek some ‘advantage’), but fail to realize that we have given up our male privilege in solidarity. Politically, it is counterproductive to attack allies.
Sure, there are PLENTY of ‘gurls’ out there who fetishize being a woman, but there are also plenty of us who were feminists before transition and who will be so until we die, but ‘womyn’ is not a word in my vernacular. That said, feminism is the idea that men and women are equal in value, despite differing abilities. It is NOT the idea that female-born people are so oppressed as to be allowed to accuse anyone who has ever had a clit larger than a predetermined size (and its only POTENTIAL effect on socialization) of perpetuating the patriarchy.
Neither women or men are ‘better,’ but if either group is disadvantaged, it’s women. Why would we (trans women) allow ourselves to be subjugated alongside other women unless we felt it was our most honest course of action in asserting our identities?
Nobody ever says, ‘I want to be a second-class citizen when I grow up.’
On Trans-Feminism and ‘Female Privilege’
I, like some (but certainly not all) trans women, was socialized ‘as a boy’ by my parents (including beatings and encouraged violence against others), but the ‘lessons’ never took. I was not gay, but I continuously engaged in traditionally female behaviors, was called ‘sensitive’, had nearly all female friends, and looked to the women in my family as role models, not the men.
On a subconscious level, I rejected male socialization in the hopes that I could one day do the same on a conscious level. It took 26 years and a nervous breakdown for me to get back in touch with the feelings and lessons I had stashed away as best I could for appearance sake years before. That’s not to say that I didn’t take away lessons from being on the other side; I just never let them define me – only help tweak my identity to become the person I wanted and needed to be who, lo and behold, turned out to be female in identity.
I knew I wouldn’t take any shit from men, thereby nearly destroying my porn career and forcing me to go ‘indie’. I knew I wanted to be a mom. And now I am to a wonderful, loving 11 year old boy who is who he is, gender constructs be damned. His favorite color is pink, but he loves construction toys, video games, etc. He does identify as a boy and engages largely in either ‘boy’ or ‘gender neutral’ activities and seems quite content to be treated in accordance with his gender presentation. In short, he’s enjoying his ‘cis-privilege’ even as he understands the reality that, despite my sex assignment at birth, I am more of a nurturing mother figure than is his biological mother.
To that end, I find it appalling that some feminists would REJECT the support of those who felt compelled to join their disadvantaged class (with the claim that we seek some ‘advantage’), but fail to realize that we have given up our male privilege in solidarity. Politically, it is counterproductive to attack allies.
Sure, there are PLENTY of ‘gurls’ out there who fetishize being a woman, but there are also plenty of us who were feminists before transition and who will be so until we die, but ‘womyn’ is not a word in my vernacular. That said, feminism is the idea that men and women are equal in value, despite differing abilities. It is NOT the idea that female-born people are so oppressed as to be allowed to accuse anyone who has ever had a clit larger than a predetermined size (and its only POTENTIAL effect on socialization) of perpetuating the patriarchy.
Neither women or men are ‘better,’ but if either group is disadvantaged, it’s women. Why would we (trans women) allow ourselves to be subjugated alongside other women unless we felt it was our most honest course of action in asserting our identities?
Nobody ever says, ‘I want to be a second-class citizen when I grow up.’